Nightmare

Lets be honest, I am not doing great, and I need help. But no one can help me. Only I can. How can I help me? I just want to sleep, and that would help me so much. But I cannot. I have to wake up. Oh, wake up, I hate it so much. I wish I could sleep forever. But I would like to wake up sometime. Will I? Or will I feel so confortable asleep I would not get up? It woudl be ok. Never waking up from my dream. Never getting into the nightmare of living. It is worse that the worst of the nightmares my mind hosts. It is indeed. In my nightmares I have the control. In my nightmares I choose to suffer. In hell they make me suffer. My nightmares are cosy. I am afraid only if I want to. My nightmares are my home. I live in my nightmares. But I got used to it. My nightmares became my life. Piecemeal they did. The dream was broken. My nightmare began when I opened my eyes. My dream began when... It never began. It stayed unstarted. It remained untouched, unchanged in my deep thoughts. It remained safe for some time I might need it. The time had arrived. I needed to open the dream chest. I needed to dream the dream. But it was not there. My dream never existed. I never made my dream. My dream leaked out. It became a nightmare. The nightmagre grew. The nightmare became my life and my dream. All in all I am living my dream. I am living a dream which turned into a nightmare. A scary dream. An independent dream. This dream controls me. My dream controls me. My dream turned against me. My dream is trying to end up with me. Well it is not trying. It did. Long ago. It killed me long ago. Now I live my dream. The time has come. And I am only living my dream. My dream, which turned into a nightmare, a nightmare which turned into my life, my life which is my dream. My scary dream.

Just love.

As you know, I have this little friend, a little awesome person I really love. She is awesome, just awesome, but is she? I mean I do not really know her, I just percieve how she is in relation to me, because we just know each other by each other. Let me explain, I know her and she knows me, but we do not really know how we are and how we behave surrounded by other people. However it is enough for me, as long as she is perfect to me and I am perfect to her, everything is alright. Nevertheless, distance sucks, distamce broke it all. We could be the happiest people in the world, every single one of us, but the problem is that there exists some distance between ourselves and the people we need near us to make us feel in heaven. When we overcome that distance, we meet the other person, we really share things with them, we feel cosy and good, but until then we just have to survive. 
The other day I saw the film "Her", and for a microsecond I understood love, how it works, and it felt so good. This film has become my favuorite since then. Maybe the love of our life is still unknown, maybe we know it but we do not have the courage to go for it, perhaps we lost it and we cannot recover it, or maybe we do have it and we feel complete. During this film I understood how your emotions towards the other person behave, I understood how we are dependent on them, even though at the same time we are being completely independent in our own way. Our life still goes on, it will not stop either we want it or not, so we better learn how to fuse our life and our emotional world. Afterwards, we just enjoy our relationship with whoever we are seeing. And that's basically all, the summary of my thoughts about this great film I highly recommend you to watch. 
Nevertheless, when we love we become infinitley vulnerable, since we are virtually relying on the other person at our maximum level. Thus, we as humans should feel infinitely unconfortable as well, because the more vulnerable you are the less confortable you feel with your life. Yet we are not experiencing this when we fall in love, because love is an emotion and all in all, emotions are just irrational, so regarding that, this emotion consists of becoming vulnerable to feel happy. Well, that is the basic problem of love isn't it? When the other person wants to break up, they leave or the die, you just feel like if the world was smashing your heart, the worst feeling of all. We just hope that will never happen having faith, because that faith upon the other one is one of the basic pilars of love. Love is the last of all, the last of my problems, the last issue I have to cover here in my blog, so thank you blog for being here, bye, we'll see in another life.