Modern Sorrow.

Are you happy?
Am I happy?
I am not.
This is sad, for me or anyone answering this question like this, the situation is quite sad. But i can't help it, i do not live happy, and no one can do anything to change it. I have a loving family, i have all technological gadgets anyone can wish to have, i am healthy, i have pretty good marks, my love life is sort of acceptable. Still, I am not happy.
What does it get to finally achieve joy? Is it the last Apple laptop? Or the perfect body with a flawless tan? Or tons and tons of money?
Well, i suggest you do not seek all those items, for they could never make anyone happy, or at least, they have not made me a cheerful human. Perhaps it is easier to understand this way, imagine you are climbing a hill, and once you reach the summit, you leave a flag, go down and climb it again to set another flag. Once you have made the trip several times, it makes no sense, it is no fun. The adventure is boring, plus setting the flags is quite monotonous and unfulfilling. Would you rather climb a higher mountain? Maybe here you don't get bored, all in all, it is just one mountain, quite high and very challenging, with a rather impressive path to climb. Oddly enough, it looks like climbing the Everest is way more fulfilling than climbing some crappy hills a thousand times. However, if you look it this way, you are actually climbing the same number of meters. Therefore i infer that the number of meters you climb is not important, nor how many flags you succeeded to locate in the summits, for if you actually cared about those, in the better challenge in the everest you just used one flag.
Prestige is what made the second quest more valuable, the fact that the Everest is a hard mount to climb, and a recognizable adventure to embark on.

The same happens in this modern society we live in. Small hills are found every day, some even to small to think of, and others considerably large to put effort in order to trespass them. Our journey is far too difficult and full of obstacles, and one thing is clear; we have no need of new hills, novel difficulties to overcome.
Nonetheless this is not what happens. In fact, living in our society is not at all free, it implies certain hills we knew of, and some others that were hidden in small letters, obstacles none of us signed up for.
Most of the difficulties we bear in mind every day are all part of those mysteriously hidden tramps located all over our lives. Buy Vans, buy Obey, Nike, Adidas, Converse. Ride BMX bikes, DC skates. Purchase the new Decathlon sport clothes. All of this together with some clichés, obsessions and disorders for free!
I did not knew of this, i was not aware that i needed a perfect body to be liked, that i was in need of Brand New shoes, jumpers and shirts, all of them terribly expensive and simple, to be loved. No one told me that not having a symmetrical simple face with perfect skin was necessary to be cool. And absolutely no one cautioned me about the risks not fulfilling these requirements will have. 
This is a big deal, i spend too long shaping my body, i waste too much time thinking how i could approach the standard of beauty companied have sold to me. I certainly think too much on how everyone else will see me. I am too concerned of how i look in the photos that are uploaded of me. I care way too much of my Instagram and Whatsapp profiles. And as me, everyone is victim of this new disease of the mind that has spread like wildfire in matter of years.
To be fit is no longer enough, just being Calvin Klein or Victoria's Secret models is acceptable. To have decent shoes is not well seen, only by wearing 100$ Nikes or Vans you will be piropeado. Enjoying a quiet hobby like reading is a freak activity, only by going to the gym of playing soccer or video games you will be liked, all the mainstream activities and styles are great, but none of the strange and peculiar ones are labeled as awesome. Meanwhile getting drunk, smoking or getting high are popular activities far from becoming morally wrong among us. Fashion rules our lives, and if you diverge from the stream you are out of the 'cool' zone. 

Perhaps everyone is cool with this, they might have fun climbing this unnecessary artificial hills, but i need an Everest. I am tired of this; abundance and up-to-date fashion is not my thing, and it makes me deeply sad. Living in a boring selfish stupid routine to climb a couple of shitty hills is not for me. I need higher objectives to focus on, new challenges appropriate for a divergent. 
This lifestyle is making me sick, and the sorrow cannot be erased from my face everywhere i go, every time i breathe. Taking classes 7 hours a day, studying other 2, working out 2 more, and watching media other 2 hours every day does not make me happy, it never will. And there is no other way. Quit one of those activities and substitute it with another you truly love, and you're out, society will not love you.

Come on world, we could all be happy, but greed has poisoned men's souls, now only guided by mass profit and marketing. "Yeah my mamma she told me don't worry about your size, but how can i not with my head full of merchandise." This is what virtually everyone suffers now, and we are all obliged to get through this. 

Should this stop? Or is this price fair?
For me it is not fair, it implies losing my time in banal activities i have go through to go to the official standards of perfection.
To my mind, this distracts us from a very important task, the quest for internal peace and personal perfection and self-love. Of course it is much easier changing everyone's idea of beauty and flawless human beings so they can sell their products to everybody, rather than specializing in each one of their consumers. We are all different, and companies do not like that, for they only seek profit, not rational and moral development. 
It makes sense, why should they reduce their benefits while helping each one of us personally, when they can change society to their own interests. 

All in all, this is wrong. Civilization should guide us towards a more perfect future where everyone is happy, not draw humans into wells of consumerism and obsessions. For me this is not working, for i only feel sorrow from the very first hour of my day until the last one. I only feel the pressure of society obliging me to be perfect for them, not for me. I do not like going to the gym, i do not like going to high school, i do not like buying useless crap, i hate smiling all day because seeming happy is attractive, i definitely dislike spending my life living for the grid. However I would love to go out without caring how i look, or how i am dressed, or how well i smell or how my hair is brushed. I cannot, and that makes me angry, because there is no other thing i hate more than spending too long in front of a mirror, insecure about how i will look, obsessed by if someone will find me defects.
Guess what, i have defects, and a lot, and i am ashamed of showing them, even though i would love to. I am not self confident with none of my features, and that makes me sad, because i want to love myself, but society has frightened my with the question: "If you are not flawless, will someone like you?"
I read this:
"Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?" 
I do not, and that is sad.
We live in the 21st century, and technology and advancements should make us happy, but for me this will be the era of modern sorrow, a time when we cannot be ourselves, since we do not even know who we want to be anymore.

Moving on.

A song once said 'I believe that the heart does go on'. Is it true? Honestly, I hoped it was, but each day it turns out to be false for me. 
Undoubtedly in the very long term, everything moves on, everything is forgotten and taken for granted, or deliberately ignored. 
However, no one is willing to get rid of a burden in a 30 years interval. Everyone rather prefers to free themselves from sorrow in a short period of time, both so they do not suffer and they can begin their new project as soon as possible wasting little time in regrets.
It is very tough, to remind yourself every day to forget, to constantly think about how to eliminate your appreciation for that which is loved and no longer available. 
Sometimes a solution may be clear and easy to implement, perhaps harsh to solve due to internal pride, or regrets, or vengeance, or whatever the reason might be. Nonetheless there are times when no solution exists, when the only thing you desire is a past state that made you happy, a state that is no longer plausible or even bearable, and all you can do is reminisce old times when happiness was, but now it is no more. Joy may arrive again in any other form, and we all know that. There is no definition for whatever makes you happy, simply because it changes over time, and all you need to do is move on, let go the paradise that can no longer be and open your doors to whatever new surprise fate will put in your path. 
It is easier said than done of course, theory always seems easy and quick, but practice might take more time and way more effort. The quest we encounter when happiness dies and it is beyond repair is, how do I let it go and move on? How do I kill a part of me stuck in the past, and take a step forward into the void, with absolutely no certainty of what the outcome will be?
No one knows how.
Time knows.
Just wait, and when the time is right you will be able to walk alone again towards new horizons. For some it is days, weeks, and others might need months or even years. The scars of the heart heal at a different rate, but there is something we can do. Most of the times, long healing periods mean that the wound are opened and unable to close because whatever causes them has not stopped. Firstly, the hurting agent has to disappear, so then the regeneration process can start, and this is necessary.
Perhaps we cannot get rid of it, maybe we still love the hurter, it can happen that we love the pain and we don't know it, or we could be too weak to let go.
Either way, something is to be done. To ache until magically all the pain vanishes is not an option, because the effects will definitely be noticeable and negative for ourselves. The quicker we abandon sorrow and adopt an uncertain future, the sooner we will heal and give better uses to our lives. 
I do not know how to make this process easier, all the pain we have to experience is determined from the beginning, and until we don't suffer it all we will not feel relief. Yet I do know, sadly because of experience, that even with all our energies focused on letting go and forgetting our impossible desires, we are stubborn and it can be as hard as making a child stop crying by taking away more of their toys. Eventually the baby will stop crying, but he could have avoided all the pain he suffered in the meanwhile.

All in all, it is our choice. The first step has to be taken by us. We will not move on if we do not want to in the first place. Find whether you really desire to abandon your lost paradise, because maybe it is possible you can recover it, or thoroughly meditate on what will be the consequences of letting go and starting a new adventure. 
Here's one advice from a boy who has suffered a lot: good times always appear again, and they will go away, but moving on will let us read the whole book, and sticking ourselves in a painful page will not do any good.

The end, now forget your painful torturers and move on.