Modern Sorrow.

Are you happy?
Am I happy?
I am not.
This is sad, for me or anyone answering this question like this, the situation is quite sad. But i can't help it, i do not live happy, and no one can do anything to change it. I have a loving family, i have all technological gadgets anyone can wish to have, i am healthy, i have pretty good marks, my love life is sort of acceptable. Still, I am not happy.
What does it get to finally achieve joy? Is it the last Apple laptop? Or the perfect body with a flawless tan? Or tons and tons of money?
Well, i suggest you do not seek all those items, for they could never make anyone happy, or at least, they have not made me a cheerful human. Perhaps it is easier to understand this way, imagine you are climbing a hill, and once you reach the summit, you leave a flag, go down and climb it again to set another flag. Once you have made the trip several times, it makes no sense, it is no fun. The adventure is boring, plus setting the flags is quite monotonous and unfulfilling. Would you rather climb a higher mountain? Maybe here you don't get bored, all in all, it is just one mountain, quite high and very challenging, with a rather impressive path to climb. Oddly enough, it looks like climbing the Everest is way more fulfilling than climbing some crappy hills a thousand times. However, if you look it this way, you are actually climbing the same number of meters. Therefore i infer that the number of meters you climb is not important, nor how many flags you succeeded to locate in the summits, for if you actually cared about those, in the better challenge in the everest you just used one flag.
Prestige is what made the second quest more valuable, the fact that the Everest is a hard mount to climb, and a recognizable adventure to embark on.

The same happens in this modern society we live in. Small hills are found every day, some even to small to think of, and others considerably large to put effort in order to trespass them. Our journey is far too difficult and full of obstacles, and one thing is clear; we have no need of new hills, novel difficulties to overcome.
Nonetheless this is not what happens. In fact, living in our society is not at all free, it implies certain hills we knew of, and some others that were hidden in small letters, obstacles none of us signed up for.
Most of the difficulties we bear in mind every day are all part of those mysteriously hidden tramps located all over our lives. Buy Vans, buy Obey, Nike, Adidas, Converse. Ride BMX bikes, DC skates. Purchase the new Decathlon sport clothes. All of this together with some clichés, obsessions and disorders for free!
I did not knew of this, i was not aware that i needed a perfect body to be liked, that i was in need of Brand New shoes, jumpers and shirts, all of them terribly expensive and simple, to be loved. No one told me that not having a symmetrical simple face with perfect skin was necessary to be cool. And absolutely no one cautioned me about the risks not fulfilling these requirements will have. 
This is a big deal, i spend too long shaping my body, i waste too much time thinking how i could approach the standard of beauty companied have sold to me. I certainly think too much on how everyone else will see me. I am too concerned of how i look in the photos that are uploaded of me. I care way too much of my Instagram and Whatsapp profiles. And as me, everyone is victim of this new disease of the mind that has spread like wildfire in matter of years.
To be fit is no longer enough, just being Calvin Klein or Victoria's Secret models is acceptable. To have decent shoes is not well seen, only by wearing 100$ Nikes or Vans you will be piropeado. Enjoying a quiet hobby like reading is a freak activity, only by going to the gym of playing soccer or video games you will be liked, all the mainstream activities and styles are great, but none of the strange and peculiar ones are labeled as awesome. Meanwhile getting drunk, smoking or getting high are popular activities far from becoming morally wrong among us. Fashion rules our lives, and if you diverge from the stream you are out of the 'cool' zone. 

Perhaps everyone is cool with this, they might have fun climbing this unnecessary artificial hills, but i need an Everest. I am tired of this; abundance and up-to-date fashion is not my thing, and it makes me deeply sad. Living in a boring selfish stupid routine to climb a couple of shitty hills is not for me. I need higher objectives to focus on, new challenges appropriate for a divergent. 
This lifestyle is making me sick, and the sorrow cannot be erased from my face everywhere i go, every time i breathe. Taking classes 7 hours a day, studying other 2, working out 2 more, and watching media other 2 hours every day does not make me happy, it never will. And there is no other way. Quit one of those activities and substitute it with another you truly love, and you're out, society will not love you.

Come on world, we could all be happy, but greed has poisoned men's souls, now only guided by mass profit and marketing. "Yeah my mamma she told me don't worry about your size, but how can i not with my head full of merchandise." This is what virtually everyone suffers now, and we are all obliged to get through this. 

Should this stop? Or is this price fair?
For me it is not fair, it implies losing my time in banal activities i have go through to go to the official standards of perfection.
To my mind, this distracts us from a very important task, the quest for internal peace and personal perfection and self-love. Of course it is much easier changing everyone's idea of beauty and flawless human beings so they can sell their products to everybody, rather than specializing in each one of their consumers. We are all different, and companies do not like that, for they only seek profit, not rational and moral development. 
It makes sense, why should they reduce their benefits while helping each one of us personally, when they can change society to their own interests. 

All in all, this is wrong. Civilization should guide us towards a more perfect future where everyone is happy, not draw humans into wells of consumerism and obsessions. For me this is not working, for i only feel sorrow from the very first hour of my day until the last one. I only feel the pressure of society obliging me to be perfect for them, not for me. I do not like going to the gym, i do not like going to high school, i do not like buying useless crap, i hate smiling all day because seeming happy is attractive, i definitely dislike spending my life living for the grid. However I would love to go out without caring how i look, or how i am dressed, or how well i smell or how my hair is brushed. I cannot, and that makes me angry, because there is no other thing i hate more than spending too long in front of a mirror, insecure about how i will look, obsessed by if someone will find me defects.
Guess what, i have defects, and a lot, and i am ashamed of showing them, even though i would love to. I am not self confident with none of my features, and that makes me sad, because i want to love myself, but society has frightened my with the question: "If you are not flawless, will someone like you?"
I read this:
"Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?" 
I do not, and that is sad.
We live in the 21st century, and technology and advancements should make us happy, but for me this will be the era of modern sorrow, a time when we cannot be ourselves, since we do not even know who we want to be anymore.