Let go.

I usually wonder why the stars and the universe behaves in such an amazing way, in those perfect patters which stand up for the infinite beauty of our world. Then I realize that with some time, science will find out the calculations, the formulas and the reasons of all that beauty.

Nonetheless, I usually wonder about feelings too, such a simple thing isn't it? Well, it turns out that they are infinitely more complex than the universe itself. Surprisingly enough, it is very likely that no one will ever find out how our feelings exactly work.

This time, that shit seemed to be over, and after all these years waiting, preparing and learning for my upcoming performance , it did not finish. They are still together, and I am still alone, and I cannot wait any longer. Now I undertsand I cannot do more, I have reached my limit, I am the one who is over. They are never going to vanish, their always will be a real always. They will be forever, and I will have to find another companion for me.

So frustrating.

You could think of it as a marathon, when in the last 10 meters, you trip over and break your legs. Then you try to stand up and you break your arms, then you try to crawl till the end, and a horse appears from the void and breaks your back, and you die there, a meter away from your desired triumph.

It might also have something to do with the fact that everything is changing, and that this last hope was basically the only thing that remained unchanged, the only thing I was able to rely on to remember the past. I guess I will just have to let go. Let go all the past life, and adapt to the changing world that lies ahead. Change is for the brave, but I am not sure if I am able to be brave. It scares me so much. It is so different, so frightening, so doomed... It is terrifying simply because it is going to end too, and it will be good for nothing. This is that all the hard work I did to get where I got will vanish, and I will be obliged to start from zero, and shall it never end...

I dream with a bright future, and I would die for my dreams to come true, but they are no longer my dreams if certain people ain't in them.

Ignorance will become my new best friend, not knowing how I will evolve, not knowing whom I should depend on. 

All in all, this is just an inevitable phase of every life, an era where only the brave survive, and the weak loose all their opportunities. 

It hurts, but the universe suggests me I will just have to let her go. It strongly suggests so. I have no choice. Bye bye dear past, see you in another life.